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Wedding Charge-2 Greatest Commandments-Matt 22:36-40
By Charlie Vensel | April 20, 2007
Jesus was asked, “’Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?’ He said to him, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself…’†(Matthew 22:36-40 HCSB)
Being married for just over fifteen years myself, the first six as an unbeliever, I want to testify to you today that putting these two commandments into practice will go a long way in making your marriage healthy; a place where both of you can take refuge, a place where both of you can be your best, a place where God is honored, and a place where your success will astound those around you. You will be lights in a dark world.
Let’s start with the greatest and most important commandment, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.†…We have all heard the expression referring to a spouse, “the old ball and chain.†I think I know where this comes from; I once heard a pastor friend of mine say, and my own experience bears witness to this, “that a marriage without Christ at the center is nothing more than two sinners shackled together for life†…I know, we all laughed when we heard it too, but what makes it so funny is that it is so true. We are a sinful lot, each doing what is right in our own eyes, selfish and insecure. Without Christ at the head, you will hear the shackles clanging, you will feel the pull of the other, you will begin to feel the binding around the ankles, and your burden will become great…pull on something long enough and it will eventually snap. This is the cause of every divorce, one sinner is pulling on the chain wanting his own way, or worse, two sinners pulling on the chain in opposite directions, fighting for every inch of their own ground like a tug-of-war. No, you must be chained to Christ as one person, one flesh; for Jesus says of his chain, “My yoke is easy and My burden is light.†(Matthew 11:30 HCSB) Christ must be your common ground, the place of unity, the place of humble submission, the great equilizer of level ground. Christ must be the only one who pulls on you. A lasting marriage without Christ is at best, a truce. But I charge you not with a truce, or a cease fire, and certainly not a victory, but a certain loss-a surrender together in Christ; win by losing. That is the great paradox of the Christian Faith…you live by dying, you win by losing, “No one has greater love than this, that someone would lay down his life for his friends…†(John 15:13 HCSB), and I would add, especially his spouse.
Jesus says, the second commandment is like it, “Love your neighbor as yourself.†Here I refer to the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I don’t know if I can endorse the book because I have not read the whole thing, but at least here there is wisdom; whether they intended to or not, they captured the essence of the Scriptures. “It’s a wise bride or groom who has to be dragged to the altar. The person knows what love is; it’s death. If lovers don’t know this, they are headed for trouble. You see, you are pledging never will you have your way again. You can’t be happy if this other person isn’t, that is a fact. And, no matter who wins the argument, you lose…Always; those are the rules.
Love is an exercise in frustration. You leave the window up when you want it down. You watch someone else’s favorite TV program. You kiss when you have a headache. You turn the music down when you like it loud. You must learn to be patient without pouting.
Love is doing things for the other person. In marriage two become one but the one isn’t you, it’s the other. You love this person more than you love yourself. This means that you love this person as he or she is; acceptance. We must constantly ask ourselves what that impulse is that makes us want to redesign a person. We want the other person to be “normal†like us, but is that loving the other person or ourselves? That isn’t love, but sin. True love is sacraficial and sacramental; it brings out the best in people and people who know they are loved with true love glow with beauty and charm. Make each other glow!
Let the other talk. Create the assurance that any idea, any suggestion, any feeling can be expressed and will be respected. Allow the other to be the star once in a while. A wife’s joke doesn’t have to be topped. A husband’s story doesn’t need to be interrupted. Cultivate kind ways of speaking. It can be as simple as asking each other, instead of telling the other what to do. Lastly, don’t take yourself too seriously. Married life is full of crazy mirrors to see ourselves; how stubborn, how immature and how silly we really are, have fun with that discovery. Laugh with each other.
Love is funny. Its growth doesn’t depend on what someone does for you. In fact it’s just the opposite, it depends on what you do for the other. The country, indeed the Church, is swarming with people who have never learned this and so are the divorce courts.†We don’t want this for you. We want success! And, we’ll stand by you to encourage you all of your days!
So, I charge you with two things, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your [spouse] as yourself.†Do this and enjoy a long and happy marriage! Amen.
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